The SKBlog

On Friday I banned the following (very commonly used) phrases from my classroom:

“Oh my god!”

“I didn’t even do nothin’!”

“It wasn’t even me!”

We had one last hurrah and said them all very dramatically.

Just received an e-mail that a film crew will be arriving bright and early tomorrow morning in an effort to capture the turn-around taking place at my school.  Perhaps I should wear make-up for the first time in three weeks.  I can only imagine what kind of mayhem will ensue once the cameras start rolling…

Today during last period I received the following letter:

Miss I am sorry for cursed at you I am very very sorry the the went you told me to miss I just was really really mad that I had lunch detetcation with you and I am sorry for what I said super super very very sorry can you please help me because do not want to get in trouble with my mom miss what it said was not right to say miss you are a nice teacher and I’m sorry want I did miss you are one of best teacher in this crazy school I hope you take miss I’m a good little boy for real I am so sorry for what I did miss did was not good and can help me?

If you want the non 5th grade version—this student earned a lunch detention with me yesterday afternoon for today.  When I informed him it was time to serve his lunch detention he booked it for the door saying “I’m not going I’m just gonna leave!”  After I chased him down the hallway and caught his arm and whipped around to yell “I f-ing hate you and this f-ing school”.  Technically he could have gotten an out of school suspension for cursing.  But I think this letter sufficed.  And just for the record lunch detention isn’t all that rough.  A lunch was delivered to him in his “cell”.  And a chocolate milk.

There’s no feeling in the world like standing in front of a room of children, attempting to accomplish something—anything—and having them completely ignore you and talk over you.  What’s more, in those moments where I resort to some sort of yelling I have some sort of out-of-body experience.  I see myself being that teacher I swore I would never be and that’s why it cannot become a trend.  Just in the last couple of days I have tried (and mostly succeeded) in using a number of interesting techniques:

1. I danced.  For those who have seen me dance you might have an idea of why this worked.  Let’s just say, I’m less than coordinated, dorky and white.  It began when I picked my homeroom up from their last period class.  I take my class back to homeroom to pack up and be dismissed and each day seems to be wilder than the last.  So on this day I picked them up already snapping my fingers saying “Snap with me if you want to have a snappy dismissal!”  Like all other transitions, dismissal is a time when students are mandated to be silent or they are asked to “do it again” meaning walk in circles in the hallway, or go back to class and be dismissed again when they are silent.  So I urged my students to have a “snappy dismissal” by getting quiet so we could walk down the hall one time and leave.  To the amazement of my students I continued to dance and snap as they began their usual ruckus.  ”I’ll just keep dancing and snapping until you all are ready to be silent” I threatened.  The silence wasn’t instant but it became much quieter quite quickly.  ”Oh!  You don’t like my dancing?” I asked.  Their looks said it all.  5th grade is when the “embarrassment” gene really kicks in.  My students writhed in their own skin they were so uncomfortable watching me make a fool of myself.  They couldn’t look me in the eye.  They verbally and silently pleaded with me to stop dancing—I think for my own sake and the sake of my ego.  And then they were silent.  And then I stopped dancing.  And the whole experience was so much more pleasant than yelling for both parties involved.

2. I strolled.  When I had finally dismissed my class one day an extremely large 6th grader booked it past me in the hall.  ”Excuse me!” I said in the teacher tone I honed over the summer and the first few days of school. I pulled him aside to sound of the all too familiar “OH MY GAAHHHHHD!  I didn’t even do nothing!” I was about to launch into a normal speech to the tune of us “Yes you did.  You ran in the hallway which is unacceptable blah blah blah.  But instead I simply said, with an eerily calm tone that implied I might be one of those teachers whose actually bat shit crazy “Oh no I was just looking for someone to escort me out to the school yard.” And with that I slipped my arm through his elbow the way I learned in ballroom dancing class in 5th grade and began to stroll through the halls at an elderly pace.  ”Tell me about yourself.” I said maintaining that manic calm.  The child looked at me like I was an actual extra-terrestrial.  The walk outside—which normally takes 2 minutes flat—took us a solid 7 during which I managed to learn that this young man enjoyed “basketball and stuff”, was 13 years old and had two sisters.  The administration was a bit puzzled as we strode past, but none of them seemed to mind because noone was running or yelling.

3. I did my own assignments.  Today I told my students to write a journal entry in the form of a letter to me.  It took a while to get them settled but once I did they all quieted down.  The only problem then was that quiet does not always equal on task.  Many of these students have been taught that if they keep their mouths shut and don’t cause problems they’ll be able to fly under the radar and never learn anything without serving any detentions.  Obviously that doesn’t fly in my classroom.  I spied one four-some in particular that wasn’t exactly getting down to business so I grabbed a journal sat down and began to write.  Once again I now know how E.T. felt.  The kids almost broke their necks trying to get a glimpse of what I was doing.  When they finally did I don’t think they could believe it.  But without saying a word and in many cases without even looking at them, they got on task.  And I wrote myself a lovely letter.

4. I used e-communications.  Everyday in my classroom I present information to my students by hooking up an LCD projector to my laptap.  Whenever I begin to assign homework my students simultaneously lose focus and want to ask me a million questions.  Judging by their total and utter disregard for the directions I write on the top of my homework, a lot of these questions are very necessary.  But because of their general rowdiness during homework assignment time I struggle to communicate the directions to them.  Today I made full use of my computer/projector set up.  I opened a word document, set the font at 72 pt and wrote “I will answer questions when it is silent”.  Then I simply stood there.  It took a while, longer than is acceptable really but eventually they all read it and took the hint.  I love making computers do all my work for me.

Stay tuned.  With any luck I’ll be adding new strategies to my repertoire every day.

My school runs a program that all students attend a few times a week called community circle.  Community circle is a place where they are explicitly lead through character building exercises and “community” issues are dealt with.  In my first real Community Circle the topic of the day was gossip.  My students discussed what gossip is and were given vivid examples of how gossip can cause problems.  But the most effective anti-gossip instruction came in the form of my Dean of Students breaking it down with old school rap lyrics.  Reciting the verse of “Whodini” in more of a spoken word form he told my 5th graders:

“There used to be this song called Big Mouth and it said…

People used to say that you had a big mouth
And now I understand what they’re talkin’ about
Because what we do is just between me and you
Not somethin’ that you run and tell your crew
But you had to tell Sharon and she told Carol
Then the story rode on just like a wheel barrel
Carol told Dee Dee and she told Pam
And Pam was overheard talkin’ to her man
Pam was told Cookie what she thought she heard
And somehow Eazy E had got the word
He told somebody I knew from uptown
And they called me up and put me down
Now the whole darn story’s been changed around”

The crowd was mesmerized.